Saturn Girl's internet dating guide

The difference between internet dating and meeting someone in, say, a bar, is that if you meet someone online you judge him by his looks last, after you've established if you are like-minded. Whereas if you meet them face to face you may, if you are shallow like me, judge them by appearance first, get put off by their funny haircut or their grey shoes, and never know them. It seems to me that internet dating is much more likely to turn up someone you will like. So here, for your amusement and guidance, is my guide to internet dating.

What are you looking for?
Make a list. This is for two reasons.
- It will keep you from being sidetracked by someone who is not what you said you wanted but seems exciting. Then you'll end up in a relationship that is not really what you wanted but seemed exciting at the beginning. Which is fine, if that's what you want, but it's not what you said.
- Secondly, people reading your profile will know if you are likely to like them or not, which is a good start.

My list said
- kind
- considerate
- funny
- self-expressed, able to talk about everything - politics, people and s on
- richer than me (not necessarily loaded, just not poorer than me)
- taller than me (so much nicer for kissing)
- within five years of my age
- sporty.

Your profile
Have a straightforward opinionated friend who loves you review it. I didn’t say approve it, I said review it. You want them to find things that could be misunderstood. For example, ‘active’ is internet-dating language for ‘promiscuous’. Some people want that, but only put it if you do. I, on the other hand, looked for men who said they were ‘sensual’ because I figured it would be men who where comfortable enough with themselves that they didn’t mind sounding a bit soft. If, for example, you say you like clubbing, then you will deter every man who isn’t that keen. They won’t look past it for the real you, they will click onto the next profile.

Your responses
As it says in ‘Mars and Venus on a Date’ you are the jewel and he is the setting. Your job is to be nice, but you don’t have to go chasing either. Keep a bit of mystery about yourself. Keep your answers short and sweet. Don't point out your shortcomings.

Shall we meet up?
You know the answer to this one without me telling you. If you are not sure, have a look and see if it’s just your natural doubts about meeting anyone. If it is, ignore them and meet up somewhere safe and somewhere public. I’m not your mum, but tell someone where you’re going and tell them you’ll text them when you get home by x o’clock. It’s important.

Is he married?
If you want to know if he’s married, ask him. Early on. If he isn’t, he won’t be insulted that you asked. If he is, he may or may not tell you, but he will know that you want to know.

Where is this going?
It’s not your job to persuade someone they want to be in a relationship. That’s for them to work out for themselves. If he says ‘I like you, but I’m not ready for a relationship’, believe him. Move on. Yes I know, he’s gorgeous. He’s everything you said you always wanted. But out there, eating a tuna sandwich and reading the newspaper, is a man who is Everything You Said You Always Wanted AND he already wants to be in a committed relationship, and several other things you didn’t even know you wanted but would appreciate.

Is it OK to see other people at the same time?
See other people, of course. How can you make your choice until you've got to the end of the counter? Sleep with other people, absolutely not. This is not a moral view. It's my view. And I arrived at it because, try as you might, I don't think you can take the emotional attachment out of it and you will end up hurt and upset.

Good luck!