I disapprove of what you say ...

This week Jan Moir wrote a repellant piece in the Daily Mail, suggesting that pop star Stephen Gately’s death was as a result of his gay lifestyle. It provoked a firestorm on Twitter and elsewhere. The Daily Mail, succumbing to considerable pressure, removed all comments and all advertising from the page.

One of my clients was an advertiser on that site. Its Twitter feed was inundated with tweets and retweets calling on it to withdraw advertising from the Mail.

Last week, Waitrose withdrew advertising from Fox News after a presenter made offensive comments about Barak Obama. Yet Ocado still delivers a free copy of The Times, which is owned by the same organisation.

Thing is, where do you draw the line? Personally speaking, I don’t agree with anything I read in the Daily Mail. But it is a national daily newspaper that hasn’t broken any laws. How is bullying the Daily Mail (yes, I said that. Looks weird doesn’t it?) different from Carter-Ruck trying to silence the Guardian over the equally disgraceful Trafigura affair? Because we disagree with what’s being said? The Press Complaints Commission is there to deal with that. Otherwise, despicable as Jan Moir’s piece was, in the absence of proper debate Twitter becomes a virtual baying mob, calling for rough justice as decreed by those shouting the loudest.

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”
Voltaire

Saturn Girl's internet dating guide

The difference between internet dating and meeting someone in, say, a bar, is that if you meet someone online you judge him by his looks last, after you've established if you are like-minded. Whereas if you meet them face to face you may, if you are shallow like me, judge them by appearance first, get put off by their funny haircut or their grey shoes, and never know them. It seems to me that internet dating is much more likely to turn up someone you will like. So here, for your amusement and guidance, is my guide to internet dating.

What are you looking for?
Make a list. This is for two reasons.
- It will keep you from being sidetracked by someone who is not what you said you wanted but seems exciting. Then you'll end up in a relationship that is not really what you wanted but seemed exciting at the beginning. Which is fine, if that's what you want, but it's not what you said.
- Secondly, people reading your profile will know if you are likely to like them or not, which is a good start.

My list said
- kind
- considerate
- funny
- self-expressed, able to talk about everything - politics, people and s on
- richer than me (not necessarily loaded, just not poorer than me)
- taller than me (so much nicer for kissing)
- within five years of my age
- sporty.

Your profile
Have a straightforward opinionated friend who loves you review it. I didn’t say approve it, I said review it. You want them to find things that could be misunderstood. For example, ‘active’ is internet-dating language for ‘promiscuous’. Some people want that, but only put it if you do. I, on the other hand, looked for men who said they were ‘sensual’ because I figured it would be men who where comfortable enough with themselves that they didn’t mind sounding a bit soft. If, for example, you say you like clubbing, then you will deter every man who isn’t that keen. They won’t look past it for the real you, they will click onto the next profile.

Your responses
As it says in ‘Mars and Venus on a Date’ you are the jewel and he is the setting. Your job is to be nice, but you don’t have to go chasing either. Keep a bit of mystery about yourself. Keep your answers short and sweet. Don't point out your shortcomings.

Shall we meet up?
You know the answer to this one without me telling you. If you are not sure, have a look and see if it’s just your natural doubts about meeting anyone. If it is, ignore them and meet up somewhere safe and somewhere public. I’m not your mum, but tell someone where you’re going and tell them you’ll text them when you get home by x o’clock. It’s important.

Is he married?
If you want to know if he’s married, ask him. Early on. If he isn’t, he won’t be insulted that you asked. If he is, he may or may not tell you, but he will know that you want to know.

Where is this going?
It’s not your job to persuade someone they want to be in a relationship. That’s for them to work out for themselves. If he says ‘I like you, but I’m not ready for a relationship’, believe him. Move on. Yes I know, he’s gorgeous. He’s everything you said you always wanted. But out there, eating a tuna sandwich and reading the newspaper, is a man who is Everything You Said You Always Wanted AND he already wants to be in a committed relationship, and several other things you didn’t even know you wanted but would appreciate.

Is it OK to see other people at the same time?
See other people, of course. How can you make your choice until you've got to the end of the counter? Sleep with other people, absolutely not. This is not a moral view. It's my view. And I arrived at it because, try as you might, I don't think you can take the emotional attachment out of it and you will end up hurt and upset.

Good luck!

saying thank you is free!

My balcony overlooks a road junction where a side road joins my road. It's quite busy at rush hour, by the time they get to the junction, motorists have probably been waiting five or ten minutes in a queue. Some motorists will practically touch the car in front in their anxiety not to let anyone in - but many of them generously wave other motorists to go ahead in front of them. So my question is - How hard would it be to wave thank you?!!! I would estimate that only one in four does give a quick wave, and they don't appear to suffer any ill effects ...

falling asleep in the dentist's chair

The very first time I went to the dentist, when I was around 5, I think, I kicked him - Mr Hands - in the shins. He hurt me! He didn't have much time for what we would call nowadays 'customer service' or 'child-friendliness'.

I used to be very scared of the dentist, finding the whole thing a painful, stressful, ordeal. I would sometimes cry, and certainly be completely tense and afraid until he said those magic words 'you can rinse now'. One day, I got to thinking about whether I was really in pain or not, or if it was just discomfort and the anticipation of pain. Then it occurred to me that it's quite insulting to the dentist to make a tremendous fuss each time. Imagine if someone were wincing and whimpering every time you touched your keyboard as you wrote an email, or scrunched up their face every time you turned the steering wheel of your taxi. So I made up my mind to relax a little bit and trust him to do his job properly, and I told him that. 'Some people', he said 'are so relaxed they fall asleep while I am working on their teeth'.

He is a very, very good dentist. His name is Michael Thomas and his only fault is the poor quality of his jokes. He is kind, as is his assistant Lisa. Lisa has absolutely perfect teeth, and she puts her hand on my shoulder, or even pats my hand, when there's a particularly difficult bit. .

Today I went and had quite a big filling on my lower teeth. I concentrated on the music (it was Ella Fitzgerald) and before long, I really did begin to doze.

courtesy car

I have smashed the front of my Puma so it is in the garage, awaiting repair. ‘Ooh’, said Terry, sucking his teeth. ‘That will take a month. Maybe more!’

“How can it take a month?”, I ask, trying not to shriek. ‘Well’, he says, ‘first the assessor has to come. That could take a week. Then we have to order the parts…’ ‘It’s a Ford!’ ‘Yes, but they’re not in production anymore …’ Anyway, I can see he’s not open to pleading so we leave it that he will do all he can to get it back to me within a few weeks.

In the meantime, he lets me have a courtesy car. A Skoda Flavia. I ring Chris to tell him. ‘A Skoda?! That’s a discourtesy car!’ he says sympathetically.

Actually I quite like driving a Skoda. Notwithstanding that it has no acceleration at all. It makes you more courteous, knowing you’re going to lose any contest to get ahead of someone. And that it’s a Skoda says ‘I don’t care what you think of my car!’, which is comforting. On the A3, other cars feel compelled to ‘just get past’ me, pulling in front of me from the fast lane. I graciously let them.